On a Dark and Twisty Night
by Angelamermaid
Summary: In the Parentverse, Cristina has a very strange dream about events in Seattle. My humourous attempt at explaining Season 11.
1. Chapter 1

"Owen!"

Owen felt Cristina's small hands grasping his shoulders, shaking him awake. Adrenaline pumping, he sat up in their bed. "What? What's wrong?"

"I had a dream!" She told him. "It was really dark and twisty!"

He paused for a couple of beats, before turning on the lamp beside him. "You woke me up because you had a bad dream?"

"Uh huh." Cristina vigorously nodded her head.

Owen sighed and reached for her. "I thought something was wrong with one of the kids. Come here."

"No!" She poked him in the chest. "You re-enlisted in the Army! You could've been killed!"

"What?" Owen propped up some pillows and leaned against the headboard. "Why would I do that?"

"Because you were upset that Derek died after his sister dumped you!" Cristina flailed.

" _What?!_ " Owen smirked. "Which sister?"

She grabbed a pillow and hit him with it. "Not! Funny!"

"Okay, okay!" Laughing, Owen took the pillow from her. "Start at the beginning."

"Well, Maggie came to Seattle Grace instead of Seattle Presbyterian, because I wasn't there." Cristina frowned. "Half of our friends were on the hospital board and it wasn't called Seattle Grace. Strange."

"Go on."

"Meredith and Derek were fighting over the President and they had different kids and ... and ..." Her eyes widened. "You were the Chief of Surgery!"

Owen raised his eyebrows. "Did _we_ have different kids?"

Cristina paused and brushed her hair out of her face. "We didn't have kids. I was somewhere else and you were living in Derek's Depression Trailer."

"No children? The Depression Trailer?" He frowned. "That does sound like a nightmare."

Cristina sat down beside him, snuggling against his shoulder. "For some reason, Alex cut off Arizona's leg. And she and Callie got divorced."

"Because of the leg?"

"Because those two can be so toxic." She sighed. "Oh, and remember that psycho resident with the anger management issues? She moved in with Alex."

"Now _I'm_ getting depressed." Owen wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"And then Derek was gone and ... and ..." Cristina started to laugh. "Your mom! She was dating a guy younger than you! She was a cougar!"

"What did you eat before bed?" Owen asked. "Was it the spring rolls from that place?"

"I have got to call Evelyn in the morning and tell her about it!" Cristina shrieked. "Maybe she'll ditch that old guy down the street and find herself a hottie!"

"There is nothing wrong with Larry," he sighed.

"She can do better than him." Cristina's expression turned accusatory. "You slept with Amelia Shepherd in the Depression Trailer because she brought you a bottle of water!"

Owen looked confused. "Water?"

"It was lime!" Cristina shrugged. "But she brought out the cray-cray, because she's Amelia, and she dumped your ass."

"Are you sure I didn't dump her?"

She patted his hand reassuringly. "When she came crawling back, you told her you were done with the cray-cray."

He grinned.

"And then Derek came back and Meredith was happy for about five minutes and then he died and it got really weird." Cristina wrinkled her forehead.

"You mean the first part wasn't the weirdest part?"

"Meredith disappeared for nine months and nobody yelled at her for that because Richard was all, 'She's just like her mom' and that seemed to be a good enough explanation."

"I would think that as Chief of Surgery, I would've said something," Owen said.

"No, because you re-enlisted!" Cristina turned and repeatedly poked his chest for emphasis. "You. Will. Never. Go. Back. To. A. Combat. Zone. Ever."

Owen leaned in and kissed her. "Yes ma'am."

"And April joined you and you both got to decide how long your tour was."

"That is _not_ how the Army works," Owen insisted. "Although I bet Kepner was a terrific sergeant."

"Meanwhile Bailey and Ben kept yapping about DNRs and she made some very valid points about Idris Elba and Meredith gave birth to a one year old daughter named Ellis."

Owen frowned. "You sure it wasn't Alice? Allison?"

"No, it was Ellis." Cristina shook her head. "That's because I wasn't there to talk some sense into her."

"Where were you?"

"I don't know." She looked thoughtful. "Somewhere with really good chocolate."

Owen yawned. "Can we go back to sleep now?"

"No, because you re-enlisted!" Cristina said. "Why would you do that?"

"Well, let's see." Owen scratched his beard. "You weren't in Seattle, we didn't have kids, my mom was a cougar, and I thought water was an aphrodisiac. Clearly I had nothing to live for."

He took her hands. "I will not re-enlist. I _promise_ you."

"Good." She kissed him. "I might've eaten some leftover food in the attendings lounge before I came home tonight."

"Don't ever do that again." He turned off the light and they settled back into bed.

Cristina reached out and brushed his jaw with her thumb. "Owen?"

"Uh huh?"

"You could wear your dress uniform every now and then. Just a suggestion."

"Good night, Cristina."


	2. Chapter 2

"Owen!"

Once again, Owen felt Cristina's tiny hands on his shoulders, shaking him awake.

"What's the emergency?" He mumbled, blinking his eyes.

"I had another bad dream!"

Sighing, Owen sat up and rubbed his eyes. They were in their bedroom and everything was dark. "What happened?"

She poked his chest. "You had really good sex with Amelia. Naked sex. She couldn't stop talking about it during surgery."

"We got back together?" Owen frowned.

"No, but she was talking about it! In front of Callie and Arizona!" Cristina gestured wildly. "Callie looked like she might want a piece of that, now that I think about it."

He looked at her in the dim light. "Did you return from wherever you were in your dream?"

"No."

Owen turned on the lamp beside the bed. "Did anything else happen? Please tell me that Meredith wasn't having ghost sex with Derek."

"No, Meredith was actually holding up really well. She was giving out sage advice to everyone instead of being chronically twisted. She was dancing and smiling when I woke up, like she just hit fast-forward on all the grieving. Or maybe it's because Alex was going to sell her house back to her. Alex agreed to buy a loft with the psycho. At least her hair is cute. Richard finally married Catherine and April has gone GI Jane. Oh, and you decided to stop being Chief and showed Jackson who's McBadAss."

"So you woke me up for having sex with someone while you're off eating really good chocolate somewhere and this is all a dark and twisty dream? You're mad at me because of a dream?"

Cristina nodded. "That's right."

He leaned forward. "Then come back. Next time you eat something funky before bed and enter this weird alternate dream world, come back to Seattle and put an end to this nonsense."

"I don't want to," she said, slowly. "Crazy things happen there. It's like I got tired of the same stupid plots happening over and over and I needed something new that was more worthy of my talents."

Owen sighed. "Well, try to relax before going to bed. Summer vacation is coming up. I bet we'll have so much fun with our kids that you won't have any more disturbing dreams until September."

Cristina leaned forward and kissed him. "Okay."

"Can we go back to sleep now?"

"Sure."

Owen turned off the light and they settled back into bed. Cristina shifted towards him and he put an arm around her.

"Owen? I think I know how I can avoid bad dreams."

"Uh huh?"

"We should dance it out more." She snuggled closer. "I like watching you shake your booty."

"Good night, Cristina."


End file.
